


Cecil Gives His Interns Their Yearly Review

by BabyGoddess



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Exhibitionism, Intern Ghosts, M/M, Other, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-06-13 11:31:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15363687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BabyGoddess/pseuds/BabyGoddess
Summary: Cecil gives his past and present interns a joint Yearly Review on the air, Khoshekh is loveable, Intern Maureen is up to something with Station Management and Cecil just wants everyone to know how much he loves Carlos





	Cecil Gives His Interns Their Yearly Review

“…Intern Brad, Khoshekh is still happy with his floating litterbox. Intern Jeremy, thank you for helping me take Khoshekh to the vet after his run in with that Strex monstrosity. Intern Dannielle, thank you for the lovely photos of Khoshekh! I look at them every day and think of you. However, you should have known how fatal it is to take photos of cats. To the rest of you, thank you for your help and you will be missed. Good job! However, uh, bad job on the dying. Don’t do it again”

Cecil’s serious voice was still reverberating off the many walls, the too many walls, why were there so many walls, when the indefinable floating black masses of former employees screeched and swirled into a hurricane before disinegrating with a BOOM!

“Oh, hi dear listeners! I have decided to do all the yearly reviews on air this year in order to motivate my interns to stay alive! Otherwise they must endure the humiliation of receiving their reviews while breathing-challenged and unable to defend themselves from the horrors of their inadequacy.” 

Cecil’s entire demeaner switched from his threatening deep growl as he flicked his head to the beauty cowering in the corner.

“And listeners! You’ll never guess who’s with me! He’s standing up straight waving a chair in the air screaming mathematical equations, a real smart guy, a perfect haired, honey-voiced scientist who…”  
“…Ceec, stop! I am simply here to make sure no accidents happen to your alive intern, like last time”  
“Carlos, please! It’s far politer to call her the to-be-deceased. You know this!”  
“Yes, yes, while the former interns are the to-be-alive-again-under-the-blood-stone-rising. But Cecil, that is not my point! We can’t have any accidents happening! That’s why reviews were cancelled for the last eight years!”  
“Eight years? But I haven’t worked here for… have I…? Carlos? When did we meet?”  
“Um, see, well, as a scientist I of course know! I know when we met because I use facts and logic and calculations and Cecil! We are still on the air!”  
“Oh, yes of course”

Cecil cleared his throat, flustered by the mere presence of his lovely Carlos, before looking at his current intern.

“Now listeners, I bring you my one to-be-deceased intern Maureen!”  
“Oh you finally remembered my presence?” Maureen snarled at her hated boss.  
“Don’t be silly Maureen, I always remember you!”  
“But…!”  
“Now Maureen, you know the rules of the Yearly Review! You don’t…”  
“I don’t attempt defence of myself unless I want to keen to Station Management and sing sea shanties to the ants for the rest of my internship”  
“Exactly, you know those rules weren’t written by me! They were decreed by Station management a long time ago on behalf of the Blood Stone Spire!”  
“That doesn’t even make any sense!”  
“Maureen . . .” Cecil trailed off warningly.  
“Fine. Let’s get this over with”  
“Excellent, I’m glad we agree! Aren’t yearly reviews fun? Almost as fun as looking up into the void and screaming in abject terror”

“Intern Maureen, you are a wonderful intern! You clean the studio, fetch me orange juice and even feed Khoshekh! Wonderful Khoshekh simply adores you Maureen! And if you blink out of existence every so often, well, all interns slip up occasionally”  
“It’s not my fault the orange juice made me vanish from this plane of existence! Why didn’t you tell me the orange juice was causing people to blink in and out of existence?”  
“Maureen, don’t jest, this is common enough information that you surely knew!”

“Now Maureen, there is a problem with your internship however. You must stop going to Station Management Maureen. What are you doing with Station Management? Why are you with them ten hours a day? Why do I hear laughter and howling? Why do you come back with blood dripping out of your eyes? Why is my glass empty and not refilled with orange juice?”

Maureen stared at Cecil in silence.

“Maureen?”  
“This review is over”  
“Maureen, I must object, that is not for you to decide”  
“YES IT IS! You don’t have any better options for an intern since no one wants to die like all your other interns! So you have to let me do whatever I want and besides, Station Management make me happy!”  
“I … don’t understand”  
“Yes you do!”

Maureen stomped off, ripping the door of Station Management’s office open and slamming it shut behind her. The banging on it was intolerable.

“MAUREEN!" demanded Carlos, "I am here to make sure there are no accidents! Come out of there before you’re hurt! You are making my job very difficult”  
Maureen opened the door.  
“Get. Lost. I can take care of myself!”  
“No you can’t! Not according to the scientific principal of…”  
“I DON’T CARE”  
The door slammed shut again.

Carlos turned morosely to Cecil.  
“She’s making my job really difficult”  
“My apologies Carlos. Is there any way I can make it up to you?”  
“Well … there might be one way … if you turn off the recording”  
“Oh, that’s not recording”  
“What about the green sign that says ‘Recording?’”  
“That sign is broken”  
“Well, what about the sign underneath it that says ‘The Sign Isn’t Broken, We Are Really Recording Your Every Word?’”  
“… That sign is also broken”  
“Well, I can’t argue with that. I mean, it seems to match up with the science”  
“Indeed and you know I love science, right?”  
“Right”

Carlos’s breathing laboured as Cecil gently pushed him into His Special Recording Chair and reached down.  
“My Carlos”  
“Oh, um, that is very nice”  
“Oh yeah? How would you like to only wear your lab coat for me?” Cecil purred as he stroked his excited lover through his slacks.  
“Neat”

A demented scream of agony ripped through the studio, but Cecil didn’t even pause.  
“To the family of Intern Maureen, she was a difficult girl and will be missed”

Cecil chuckled as Carlos spluttered.  
“The signs aren’t broken at all!”  
“Stay tuned, for the sound of two men very much in love”


End file.
